It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize