Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
