her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize