Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize