you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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