$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
