You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize