You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
