Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my vag is so smooth its legendary
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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