doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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