then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
what day is it and did you see me today?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
