period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
