Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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