My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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