Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
