I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
