You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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