His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
