How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
