Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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