she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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