Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize