Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
