I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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