She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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