I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
