Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
where are my eyebrows?
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