It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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