Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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