Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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