if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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