this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
