Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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