Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize