Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
