god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
