I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize