it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
