I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
