I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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