I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Boobs are out for the taking
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
