Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just puked most of my soul out..
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