I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
