Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
