i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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