Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
