I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
