you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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