as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
