This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
