Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
