Im at strip club and am horny
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
