Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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