I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
