so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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