Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
