All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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