i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
