At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
