DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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