I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
too bad you live with your parents still
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
