I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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