i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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