I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
