You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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