All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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