You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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