there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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